Life, Not Living
by x.Do.you.think.me.wicked.x
Summary: Bella is stuck in a rut. Art school grad, depressed, living on her own in an apartment which her temp job can barely cover. Bella is hanging by a thread. Can the boy next door save her from herself? BxE AH. M for Later lemony goodness.


**A/N: Hey, This was just a little idea that occured to me after watching _Being Erica _on TV. I already have the first couple of chapters done, I just wanted to get the first chapter up already because if I didn't I'd never have put it up. I'm sorry that this is reaaally short. It was just to start the idea off. The next chapters will obviously be waaaayy longer and of much better quality... I hope :s This is dedicated to Edwardsdirtylittlesecret because she is every kind of awesome and wonderful and I don't know what I'll do without her for the next 3 months :( Also this is my first time writing in BpOv and criticism is obviously extremely welcome. Thank you for taking the time to read it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Being Erica or a Kia Picanto . **

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Chapter One: _Rut_.

There are three main definitions of "Rut":

1. a furrow or track in the ground, esp. one made by the passage of a vehicle or vehicles. _Yeah kinda like how my lovely Kia Picanto _**(A/n: It was the first car I could think of...) **_ended up being towed away last week. Except that was more like a pothole. Made by the passage of a complete bastard._

2. any furrow, groove, etc.

3. a fixed or established mode of procedure or course of life, usually dull or unpromising: "to fall into a rut."

Number three sounds exactly like my therapist. Well, what my therapist says in relation to me and my life. Not the other way around. Unfortunately. My life is made up of an uncompromising set of mistakes, bad decisions, disasters, misunderstandings and unlike the way other people's mistakes stay in the past; mine just don't want to let go. I could roll them all out in front of me like a magic carpet. Except this magic carpet is a lil bit mouldy, dusty and moth eaten. Fun, fun, fun.

See, I had the life. I lost the life and now I'm stuck in some kind of limbo. I'm alive but really not living at all. I am consumed by my thoughts and memories as a separate kind of reality; sitting in my 3rd floor apartment next door to an empty flat, above an elderly lady called Flora - whom, when every time I trudge past in from work everyday, asks me how Eric is. Eric was a blind date from 3 years ago whom I haven't dated since, thank god- and last but not least below is the perverted, 30 something, irritating son of my equally repulsive landlord.

So my life sounds a little like your average childish, 20 something, art school graduate, stuck in a temp job as a secretary. By rights, I should be some sort of heroine. Average and broke, with a dead end job by day and by night, a heroine worthy of Michelle Pheifer's Catwoman. But no. Just Bella. Bella Swan.

Everyday I wish for something that will make my life just slightly more interesting, just. ANYTHING. Pointless, I know. Every time I have something that is actually worth hanging on to, I manage to turn it into absolute shit. My therapist says I should stop wishing and just get on with life. (And I pay this wiseass??) I try and give myself this pep talk everyday; staring myself down in the bathroom mirror, on my way past my little run in with Pervy Mike Junior downstairs, in my rent-a-car on the way to work, during work and finally giving up when I drag myself past Ms Klapinsky on the 2nd floors' daily grilling about my nearest and dearest Eric, "He really is a sweetie".

I bid goodbye to Ms K and start to rummage in my bag for my keys whilst walking to my door, not bothering to look where I was going. Just my luck to trip over my own foot and fall face first outside my own front door. I make no effort to move, just lying flat against the tacky floor of this hole which I can barely afford to live in. I decided to assess my physical state and gingerly attempt to pull myself up (and together). Oh, ow, ow OW. Shit. Fail. Okay, lets just... sleep here for the night. It's not like anyone else is up here. I slowly roll over onto my back with my eyes still closed. I take a deep breath and exhale.

"Hey, would you like some help there?"

_Oh god, could it get any worse? _I open my eyes and squint against the light of the hallway. _He's an angel. Oh god, I am dead. I am in heaven. _

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End file.
